Post Chelsea Flower Show 2017 - Part 1

For the second year running, The Archers At The Larches Ltd have sold our branded Lou's Poo, Dried Alpaca Fertiliser at RHS Chelsea Flower Show. We wouldn't be there without the fantastic support of Mark Macdonald, owner of Todd's Botanics, Plants Delivered and Vaso Toscano. Mark is a champion grower and a firm believer in our fertiliser. He uses it to feed the nursery and loves specific products, like our Shredded Lou's Poo, for feeding his tree ferns or our Beans, for feeding his olive trees.

In conjunction with Mark, we created our Lou's Poo, Compost Tea Mix with added comfrey, especially formulated to feed flowering plants in their flowering season. At Chelsea, this was particularly well received by those growing agapanthus, chilli and tomato growers but it suits all indoor and outdoor flowering plants too.

This year I was lucky enough to attend the Chelsea Flower Show Press Day and Gala Dinner hosted by the RHS on the Monday before the public opening. I was stationed on my Plants Delivered stand eager and waiting to see who I might see. First to pop by was Julian Cleary and his mum. Juilian is astoundingly beautiful. I remember him from his early days on TV and imagined him short and skinny. He is tall and elegant. I passed him my card as no celebs seemed to be buying much. 'Ah,' he said in a considered drawl, 'Thankyou. One never knows when one might need some alpaca poo.' 'Quite.' said I. 

Next I was lovey-kissed by Ainsley Harriott, most excellent. He's even taller than Juilan! He walked away chortling when I passed my card over. Lovely man, I have his BBQ book somewhere.

I saw Judy Dench and the beautiful Duchess and countless other celebs, like all the Radio 2 BBC crowd; Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine, Jo Wiley, Anneka Rice. It's exciting but I'm not altogether sure if all these personalities were there for the flowers.....the real stars for me, of course, are the growers inside the Grand Pavilion and the garden designers outside. The growers, in particular, work their fingers to the bone 24/7, seeking RHS medals and caring customers to purchase their stunning plants. My top picks were:
Todd's Botanics, for drought tolerant plants, tree ferns, olives, the unusual, agapanthus and iris, garden design and wholesale planting solutions. T3 Wall End Nursery for unusual plants, salvia and abutilons. Avon Bulbs for stunning bulbs and seeds. HooksgreenHerbs culinary, medicinal and scented pot-grown herbs and seeds. Mamoth Onion  W. Robinson & Son, Seeds and Plants Ltd for fantastic vegetable plants and seeds. Check out their websites.

In my next blog post I'll share a little more of my pictures and comment on the gardens I liked/didn't, but for now I d like to say a massive thanks to my Poo Crew for the week; Kathy, AM, Ori, Cathy, Erin and Bryony plus French Antionne! You all rock.

A normal day..... !!!!

So, it was a normal Saturday. The children got ready for school (Saturday school and sport matches being the norm for us...) The 12yo had a singing exam in a far off place, a mere 50 miles from home after dropping the 10yo to school, so off we went.

Exam went well (fingers crossed for good results) and by 1pm we Archers were all back home.

After a snatched lunch in the baking sun, it was time to see to the sheep. We rounded them up, stuffed them in the stables and brought them out, one by one, to a makeshift race where we each had a job: There were ear tags to clip in, worming injection to administer, feet to check and a spray paint brand to be given to the lambs who would stay on farm as breeding ewes.

It didn't all go to plan; two lambs escaped in the process but were eventually caught and sorted.

By 8pm family Archer had showered, (absolute necessity, in fact; thinking of burning the jeans I had been wearing!!!!) and were sat in the garden, surrounded by cats and chickens, consuming a take-out Chinese.

By 9pm my back insisted I go and lie down and so we all piled into our bed. I conked out, no doubt snoring over Harry Potter film, but all family members seemed quite happy.

This morning a cat, Tabby, woke me at 4.30am... Being as I'd slept from 9pm (a mere 7.5 hours) I was ok about this and duly followed him downstairs to give him biscuits and make myself a coffee. Turns out he was actually telling me (Lassie-style) that the sheep flock was in the garden eating my flaars!

In pjs and wellies I set about rounding up 30 sheep from the garden who had discovered that self-seeded rocket was delicious! Tabby looked on, not interested in auditioning as a sheep dog.

And now I am sat, coffee in hand, so many jobs to do: cleaning, ironing, washing, plant those blasted tumbling toms into the hanging baskets, check on the soon-to-be-mums in the alpaca fields, pack Poo for customers, water garden, pick strawberries before the blackbirds do, mend fence where sheep keep getting through, wash floors and bathrooms, finish a business plan, sort lunch for Grandma visit..... So many jobs, that I can't do any of them.

So I'll just sit awhile and watch the flowers grow.

Alpaca babies...

So, it's hot. The alpaca were sheared last Wednesday and just as well, as Bracken produced a stonking baby boy just three days later. Phew! (JIT: Expert planning obviously...... cough, cough)

http://www.thearchersatthelarches.com/products/lou-s-poo

Larches Enzo

Larches Enzo http://www.thearchersatthelarches.com/products/lou-s-poo

Larches Enzo http://www.thearchersatthelarches.com/products/lou-s-poo

He weighed in at 8.9kg and two days later was 9.4kg. Mum is happy and healthy and feeding him beautifully. All we need now is another few trainee Lou's Poo Producers playmates to be born.... keep your fingers crossed please.

http://www.thearchersatthelarches.com/products/lou-s-poo

Shushhhh.... soft launch, new online store

Shushhhh, I will say this only once... [yeah right!] ... My website has launched. You can reach it by clicking on the store sign on this website or by putting TheArchersAtTheLarches.com into Google. All feedback gratefully accepted, orders more so.....

If there's a gaping silence I'll worry, so feedback is what I require peeps!

Love
Lou
xx

Shearing.... never again..

For several years now I have been convinced that I have the talent to make a marvelous sheep shearer. This belief is without basis and indeed without one jot of practical experience. Last year, our first year of shearing, my back decided to ruin my chances of learning, (too much extreme gardening with Lou's Poo Alpaca Poo!) and so I was forced to outsource the stripping of my girls to our kind neighbour.

This year I was fighting fit. I enlisted the help of our long-suffering neighbour again and he, in turn, brought his apprentice; his son. The paraphernalia they brought with them was amazing.

As I tried to construct a pathetic holding pen out of knackered hurdles in a tiny paddock outside the American barn, they suggested simply herding the sheep into one of the huge empty birthing stables. Hmmm, didn't think of that. Then they stood about a bit and looked at the metal joists high above our heads, before rooting about in their paraphernalia kit and hoisting a walloping chain up and over the bar. Next they attached a motor that weighed A LOT, followed by a pipe attached to the motor, and finally the shear.

Then they looked at me.

The hubby, deliberately dressed in his office clothes! the boy, the girl and her pal from school, all stood about looking at me. Oh poo.

I vaguely remember being asked if I was ready to go but clearly I looked so ashen that our neighbour suggested he do the first one, then I could go from then on. Right. Easy.

The first sheep, Cocoa, chosen for her monumental fleece, was naked in no time. There was no blood or histrionics. My turn.

I simply couldn't even remember where to start... was it the bum or the neck? Not. A. Clue.

Apparently it was the tummy followed by the nether regions and one lower side. Then the neck (which is terrifying) up the tummy and over the back as far the spine, plus a bit...... [are you lost yet?..... I was]

So, my victim was Pink. I raised her on the bottle in 2012 and helped her lamb her twins in 2014. Here I was clearly going to kill her.....

In truth, I didn't actually kill her, though I do confess to having nicked her several times. Having almost completed the job (though not well) I had to defer to farmer's son as I suddenly came over all Victorian and faint #pathetic and had to sit down. I was 75% there but couldn't yet claim to have sheared a whole sheep. I strongly suspected that I'd found an activity that I wasn't equipped for.The 11yo sprayed Pink's cuts with purple antiseptic while looking at me with regret. Pink was ushered from the barn, bleating and looking like mobile graffiti.

In my defence I was born in St John's Wood. The issue is trying to juggle a wriggly sheep, a life threatening weapon and a non compliant 48 year old body. So annoying.

The next sheep was thrust into my willing arms. I was determined to complete my quest. This time, bearing in mind that it was 24 degrees outside, I discarded my thick sweater. Now, added to the wriggly sheep, a life threatening weapon and a non compliant 48 year old body was the realization that my bosoms might fall out of my vest. Unfortunately half way through this shear my sheep companion decided to have a hissy fit and, in my desperate attempt to gently restrain it and my lady parts, I accidentally sheared the farmer.

I have now retired from shearing. Thank you for sharing this mortificado experience with me.

[Please note, my apologies for the orientation of the video - clearly video uploads are a mystery to me too.... If you can't see the video, click on the title of the blog post and you should see me butchering shearing a sheep but only if you tilt your head to the side and you're not on an Apple product.... and there isn't a full moon. #offtobedifIdidn'thavethealpacashearerarrivinginanhoursob!]

Washing sheep.... and other diversions for children on holiday....

Summer holidays and there is no room for 'I'm bored' at The Larches. The merest hint of a glazed eye or request to watch something on TV before 7pm will instantly result in a task, (generally linked to poo.) Today's task was lamb washing.

We are soon to partake in our very first agricultural show in which the sproglets will show their lambs. I must confess that the training isn't going well, as soon as we put the halter on Coco, the 10yo's lamb, she turns into a marble statue and point blank refuses to move. This, interestingly, is the direct opposite to 'Bino, the 8yo's lamb, who immediately turns into Usain Bolt dragging boy behind her.

Should be embarrassing interesting, as the attendance figures for the show are usually 20,000. I'm pretty sure I know all 20,000.

Lamb washing instructions.

1. Use water only. We have discovered that the brush to wash the wheels of the car, (and attaches to the hose,) is perfect for the job.
2. Wear washing up gloves unless you like the feel of squishy poo between your fingers. [NOTE: Don't use gloves that will later be required for dish washing! - Mum x]
3. Coax lambs into a small space and lock them in
4. Expect to get dirty as the lambs get cleaner

THE END.

Death to bugs.... by the Human Buffet..

I cleaned the chicken coop today and made it all gorgeous for the girls. I do it weekly (not weakly) so as to ensure they have a nice comfy place to plop the eggs. To be honest I don't know why I bloody bother; the Bantams have completely slipped from my radar screen, preferring to hide their tinsey-winsey white eggs somewhere within the grounds. Drives me bonkers. They have been warned and the market looms.

As if the fact that chickens seem to do all of their poo in the coop at night wasn't unpleasant enough, today I had to deal with yet more revoltingness. Leaning into the little coop to scoop up the sawdust, I noticed a little mass of squirmy red stuff near the perches.

Intrigued, I leaned in even closer, resting my head on the wooden boards above the back door and YUCK upon yuck!.. I could see that there was a mass of tiny red mites on the wooden slats, presumably having a bacchanalian party to make yet more mites..

The hot, humid weather has obviously been perfect for them. I have used mite powder before, dusting all the chickens just in case, but to see the little parasitic blighters was horrid.

I pulled back my head and started examining every crevice. That's when I realised that I had rested my head on another village of blood suckers, there were squillions of them but the moving mass was no bigger than a penny piece.

Since then I have mega cleaned the coop, I have dusted chickens, I have showered and scrubbed my hair and yet I seem still, some 10 hours later, to be being used as a human buffet by creatures that look like walking grains of ground black pepper, (or red pepper if they've feasted. Shudder.) They are in my hair, down my back, in the arms of my sweater and as I sit here trying to concentrate I feel sure they are about to penetrate my sturdy smalls. I cannot tell you how defiled I feel.

All my dreams of being a vaguely competent farmer in years to come are being dashed by something that is like red sand with teeth. [scratch, scratch, itch itch, SQUASH! SQUASH!  ... oh look a blood streak! smile..]

If this is how it feels to be a chicken in a coop with mites then I really hope reincarnation is a myth.

Tomorrow I'm buying this stuff; it's a bomb for the coop.... at this rate I'll be sat in there when it goes off... naked....

....Oh my goodness I can't take anymore biting, I'm off to throw my clothes on the bonfire and then I'm washing again and again and again...

Bet you can't wait for the blogs posts when we get sheep..... have you heard of dagging or crutching?????

Cat Flaps and Chinese Food.....

The dog-doo was delicious, thanks for asking!

Talking of poo, I can no longer tolerate the kittens potty training in the house. I had invested in a lavatory for felines from the store that should be re-named, 'You love your pets so much that you will be blind to our prices.com.' But the pong is unacceptable so....OUT! OUT! OUT I SAY!

We are now the proud owners of a cat flap. How cool is that? Husband spent an age in the store reading the back of packets. Did you know, of course you did, that there are some cat flaps that magically open up just for your precious kitties?....Some sort of computer chip tells the flap that this is his/her home. No bringing pals over, no chickens popping in to warm up in the kitchen, just your cats! We bought the cheap one; it opens, it closes! Cool.

Posting the cats in and out of the cat flap has been fun also....

On a completely different note, I have to confess I have fallen off the wagon....1 glass of wine Friday, 2 glasses of wine Saturday!! In order to have a good week next week I am sitting here finishing the bottle! What a saint I am! To Sarah, a friend with will power who lasted the whole of January I say,'I am not worthy to wash your feet.' MANTRA: *Monday to Friday I will not drink. Monday to Friday I will not drink. Monday to Friday I will not drink.... *Exception: Book Club on Wednesday.

SOAP BOX MOMENT
Last night, Saturday night, I thought I'd have a night 'off' so to speak. I'm a bit of a cook on the sly (just ignore the poo incident in previous blog) and like to menu plan during the week; spaghetti bolognaise, roast duck and mash potatoes, chicken thighs wrapped in bacon, slow cooker lamb, to name but a few. On Saturday I thought I'd get a take-away meal from Tesco, delivered with my usual order on a Friday. I chose a Ken Hom (he's on the telly don't you know, AND he's brilliant at cooking chinese food, mainly because he IS Chinese.) The take-away was revolting. I could detect no chinese flavours at all! Put it this way; when we could eat no more we scraped the spring rolls and egg fried rice into a dish for the chickens. (We binned everything else.) Then we set about putting the kids to bed and when we came back downstairs an hour later, the cats hadn't touched the left-over food which was exposed on the kitchen table. THAT IS A VERY BAD SIGN!

My advice: Cook it yourself or go to an authentic take-away restaurant. Ken Hom - you ought to be ashamed!