Camp....

We went to Shell Island at the height of the season last year. Never again. This year we escaped as soon as school finished and stayed for almost a week or as near as we dared to the weekend when the site began to fill up with humans with their own 'taste' in music. Personally I like the sounds of nature when I'm camping not blaring music. Some of the nature sounds are better than others. The ones I'm not so keen on are; children bickering over the least wonky camp chair or last cereal variety pack, babies wailing as their parents slap on the sun cream and the father teenage banter as they debate the shoes/no shoes question.

But empty and basked in sun, Shell Island is a paradise.

The rock pools were amazing this year. We found HUGE spider crabs, 12" star fish, fish, hermit crabs, flat fish, jelly fish and watched dolphins leap from a flat, shimmering sea. It was unbelievable.

I'll never leave the UK again. Fortunately I cannot afford to leave the UK again.

Poor Daddy, we're abandoning him again and he's stuck with the animals. He's once again King of the remote.

How to conduct oneself at a Poultry Auction....

A POULTRY AUCTION
Pre-Auction (Selling) Things to do...

1. Identify birds for sale
2. Segregate the blighters
3. Find suitable box(es) for transportation
4. Pack food and water for them....gin for you
5. Wear nothing you care about

At Auction (Selling) Things to do...

1. Get there stupidly early to bagsy an early lot/cage
2. Beg everyone for help
3. Take birds out of the box(es) and place into the selling cages without losing them...sheesh!
4. Listen and act on all free advice offered, (if the veterans sense you are a virgin seller they will offer tons of advice) NB If the person looks like a complete numpty, consider the advice carefully...
5. When your birds sell, don't cry, interview the new prospective parents or ask if you can visit.

This morning just after 6:30am I packed up the Bantam roosters and three of the girls, decided against the gin, and drove off into the sunrise towards Hereford.

It was a beautiful morning, cool not cold with not a whisper of a breeze, and I could hardly hear the pitiful cries of the chickens over the audio book, (Philip Pullman's The Amber Spyglass - brilliantly read by the author and actors.)

By the time I pulled into the livestock market, some twenty-five miles away from home, the sun was up and it was more like a summer morning than an autumn one. The market looked like a huge unfinished metal shed, unfinished because one side is open to the elements displaying the containment rails to keep cattle, pigs or sheep from escaping. It looks like an empty DIY or Wall-Mart superstore.

I wore old jeans, wellingtons and a baggy jumper together with my usual smile, the smile is invaluable for seeking out new friends in unfamiliar situations. While I unpacked my chickens, the transit van next to me in the car park was disgorging its colourful characters and their birds, (just for clarity by birds I mean birds, not street slang birds, though I strongly suspect these chaps were intimately acquainted with quite a few birds, if you know what I mean, nudge-nudge!)

By their voices I knew these chaps were Welsh and I would have described them as farmers, except that their earrings made me think they were more traders than farmers. As I got out of the car they toned down their banter, which had sounded very, very bawdy till they clocked me, and we all exchanged pleasantries about the weather, the fact that they'd driven from mid-Wales to come to the sale and the forthcoming rugby game on Saturday. (Cumoooonnnnn Wales!)

Their chief and ringleader was a stocky chap about my age, (... young, OK?!) He was twinkly-eyed and bar-room confident, a lovable rogue, - you know the type.

After the auction-porter and I had loaded my lots into three sales cages; 2 pairs comprising a cock and hen and a trio made of two cocks and one hen. The chief Welsh trader from the transit sidled up beside me to enquire about my chooks. Soon I had my very own personal advisor and he stood very close, whispering poultry secrets.

'You makin' a mistake there luv, you needs to make a trio, rather than leave that hen with the two cocks.' He said in his lovely Welsh accent. I, being blonde and tired, looked blank.

'I've made a trio,' I said, wondering if trio meant something different in Welsh and wishing I didn't have to discuss trios or cocks with a man I hardly knew.

'No luv, a trio's two hens and a cock, not two cocks and a hen!'

'Ah.'

'I'll grab the cocks out and you can put the hen in with the pair if you like? You'll not make any money see, as the cocks'll cancel out the worth of the hen.'

Dear Lord why is everything so sodding complicated!

Anyhoo cocks grabbed (dear Lord!) and girls moved, all was happy in camp Archer. Bearing in mind that the sale didn't start for another 2 hours I decided not to stay chatting to my new best friend, as our vocab was worrying me, so instead I zoomed off to Asda, (big shop wow-wee) to get provisions for the mountain.

By ten, the metal shed was pretty full of cock-a-doodle-doos and lots of breeds of people. I wandered about, briefly on my own, observing the characters - a great place for the writing.

Soon I was joined by my buddy who chatted about chickens and horses and sheep until he enquired whether I had much land and livestock. I'm not sure it was a proposal of marriage, he sussing whether he and I could join poultry forces, but I found myself constantly mentioning my husband and the sprogs but not where we actually lived.

'Have you got raaabbits on the land?' He enquired kindly. I was glad we were moving away from the in-depth analysis of me and of the double entendre language he seemed to enjoy.

'God yes, loads. I can see them from my bedroom window every morning.' [Screech! Why did I mention the bedroom!!!]

'I'll do you a bit of ferretting up your way if you like, pop over like, [from mid-Wales!!!] bring me ferrets and the dogs for a bit of a session?' He said eyes a-twinkling.

I came over all Margo from The Good Life [clip below] after that...

'No thank you!' I said indignantly. 'My neighbour does all my ferreting!'  ... Oh! sob! He just grinned.

All in all it was an education. The money was appalling; the trio and pair fetched £11.50... I may have just covered the petrol... and the two cocks fetched a whopping .10p... purchased by my new best friend, a pity-purchase I fear but he did promise faithfully not to murder them.

Hey ho!

An Introduction to Camping

I love camping, the romantic version; the one excluding washing up or a wee in the middle of the night. So, ignoring all bad bits, I pushed my rose-tinted specs up a bit higher on my nose and announced to la famille that we were going proper camping, (and not just in our own field!) The 7yo and the 5yo have never been camping before but husband has, he immediately excused himself, pretending he had to work! Good one! To be fair it does pay the bills. Undaunted, I set about borrowing equipment from my sister and began the hunt for a camp site near to the mid Welsh coast.

I felt so smug when I spied a gem of a site AND, billy-bonus, they had space for us.

It was three hours drive to camp, almost as long as it took to pack the car! But it was so worth it: In a little village that couldn't even boast a pub, a white washed cottage lay in ten acres. Each pitch was mowed into a figure eight; a big circle for your tent, a small circle containing a fire pit for warmth or cooking.

We had an absolute ball: The whole camp came together the first night to sing songs around a camp fire, to cook popcorn and melt mallows. We made FIRE at our own pitch, always a big hit with kids, and I caramelised sausages (OK, I burned them a bit!) but we invented Double Chocolate Chip Melted Mallows.... yuuuuummmmmmy, and soon the charcoal taste went away.

The weather was fab, always a help, and the beaches stunning. Check out our snaps. Thank you Naturebase Holidays for a safe, wonderful, child-friendly time.








Tired after a long beach day..... so looking forward to caramelised sausages!