Lippy-Lou....

 

I'm not often lippy but the poultry auction makes me nervous. It's not the birds, it's the Welsh fella. I went there today to collect the wages of the 10yo, following the sale of her Salmon Faverolles. If you haven't read about the poultry auction or if you need some serious (not) tips about conducting yourself at a poultry auction, click here.

My nervousness was well founded. I strode into the vast, chilly shed this morning, determined to be a grown up. I was dressed decently enough in my autumnal grey poncho, (the one that drank my coffee that other time, leaving me with Damp Tassles....sheesh!) and my high-heeled brown boots. Obviously that wasn't all I was wearing. [Shakes head in disbelief] I'm trying to tell you that I was looking serious; Marks and Spencery.

I couldn't see the Welsh fella anywhere, I think he's a poultry dealer, but in order to decrease a chance encounter I studied the caged birds intently. Close to the Indian Runner duck section I heard an unmistakable lilt of Welsh calling to me.

'Pardon me?' I foolishly enquired, turning to see the twinkly rogue standing with his pals.

'You get that poncho from Clint Eastwood see?'

'Huh?'

'Clint Eastwood - Poncho.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact I did.' I replied hotly. 'And I'm packing under here, so watch it!' Bring it ohnnnn.. I can do gun-slinging analogies with the best of them. So there!

His friends nudged him, giggling.

'Oh,' he said smirking, shifting his position slightly from the rail he was leaning on. 'Lift up your cape then and we'll 'ave a look...'

Honestly!

[Exit blushing blonde stage-right....]

Damp Tassels...

I was wearing an oft' admired grey poncho this morning. It wasn't exactly like Clint's, for starters I wash mine! Clint's, I understand, was never washed, urghhh! Anyhoo mine has tassels. Get me, fashion goddess!

I was feeling rather swish for 7:30am, poncho, boots with a heel rather than my trademark wellingtons, AND I had lipstick on, albeit that it was on my lips and my cheeks [face] as I couldn't find a blusher. I was lookin' good. I even managed to carry a porcelain teacup (it's my favourite,) filled with thick black sugary coffee, to the car. Coffee in one hand, bright orange Halloween bucket of mixed corn in the other hand [WHAT?....OK, OK, image ruined!]

I loaded the sprogs into the car for school and placed the gorgeous steaming cup of coffee on the roof of said vehicle while I went to open up and feed the chooks.

I know what you're thinking....... and you're wrong, I did not sashay back to the car forgetting that the coffee was on the roof, thus smashing my lovely tea cup to smithereens when I drove off, .... No, that was last week.... and the week before! No, I remembered it was there and placed the precious vessel in the cup holder that tolerates my cup but that would prefer a diet coke shaped drink.

There is a certain amount of off-roading to be done after we leave the comfort of our drive. There is a short strip of concrete from the front door to the stables and this is where our equine guests get washed, but out on the bridle path, the track that leads to the cross country tarmac road, we have to navigate Michigan lake-like potholes. I'm always nervous in case one turns out to be Vicar of Dibley size and the car is swallowed whole!

Along this stretch the trick is to pick the cup up out of the holder and balance it in your hand, trying to absorb the worst of the seismic activity. There must be some scientific explanation to this shock absorption but I read Art at Uni with a side order of 'dying one's hair,' so I couldn't hope to impart anything serious regarding this phenomenon.

All was well, we made it to the road; I wasn't wearing my coffee and the sprogs, unpeturbed by the usual gait of the car, were busy learning spellings and French vocab. I took a welcome gulp of nectar and placed the cup back in its holder.

Who'd have thought that poncho tassels made of a wool mix could be so thirsty. By the time I went for another slurp, the coffee had been filched by my cape. A damp patch on the material looked like Australia, plus I smelled like Starbucks! Sucking the coffee out doesn't work, all the wool bits get stuck in your teeth.

Poncho wash day here I come... Oh if anyone has Clint's number tell him I'm putting a wash on, he might want me to do his too.....







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