Gone Raving Bananas....

I'm starting to twitch, one of those nervous twitches in the eye and upper cheek. I'm considering a large gin and tonic...or maybe vodka which would be harder to detect on the breath. I know I'll abstain because the nearest hospital is an hour away and I don't want to be drunk in the air ambulance. I'll abstain purely because I think we're due an accident here at Chez Larches and the reason I feel this so strongly is because we're on the tail end of the three weeks of the Easter holidays and the kids are just moving from their feral phase into their gremlins-after-a-midnight-feed stage. It's. just. beginning. to. Tick. ME. OFFFFF.

Breathe! ....Coffee.

I've got two sets of guests coming this weekend and I want it to be pretty for them...One husband and wife team are blessed with no kids and so I feel it's extra kind that they should come such a long way out of civilization to see us. In fact I was just talking to them on the telephone, describing how to find our house by looking at Google Earth (that's what I call rural!) and in the background the kids were shrieking and the 5yo was crying. My friends sounded unsure whether they would ever [bother to] find the house......
'Please don't cancel,' I whispered into the phone. 'I need you..'
I'm pretty sure they're still coming, maybe they'll smuggle me out with them and pop me into a sanatorium on the way back to Oxford...Is Bath still good for madness cures?.......

I'd like my guests to see the house clean. BUT. Every-blinkin-time I leave a room to tidy the next one the sproglets are in behind me, mullering my work. Breeeathe...

Husband called to see how I was today, it was a kind gesture, he's lovely, but before he could speak I shrilled,
'Please don't give me another job to do for you. Please, I can't do another thing!!' Poor hubby.

I notice The Entrepreneur - my agent has emailed today to ask if I'd seen the latest writing competition. Apparently it would "...suit you [me] down to the ground".....I haven't even seen my creative SIDE in 3 weeks....I'm hopelessly brain-dead due to over-exposure to under 10's.......

Maybe I've got that old people's lose your mind disease, after all I am 44! (I can't recall the disease's actual name for the time being but I think it begins with an A. I probably couldn't spell it even if I remembered it...) I have at least one symptom; I keep calling husband by son's name and vice-versa. Also I often point at the 7yo whose name I cannot recall and say, 'You, yes you the blond, go tidy your bedroom!'....the family merely smile with pity as they wander off.....

Roll on Monday. Back to school. Back to writing. Semi-clean house. Just me and the dead rats, the chickens and the kittens at home. Bliss......

Summer holidays last for 9 weeks..........arghhhhhhhhh!