Lou-Lou's Fashion-Free Zone.........

Firstly, may I apologise in advance to my lovely guests this weekend, in case I offend....(there, that just about lets me off the hook for an-y-thing I wanna say... I hope!)

I don't get out much nowadays, and I certainly don't do girl-shopping anymore. Just to clarify, that doesn't mean I EVER shopped for girls! It just means I don't wander around shops anymore, desperate to buy something pretty. Consequently I'm in a bit of a quandary with my wardrobe: I'm either Hill-Billy Garden Woman (grrrrr) or Tailored Ungaro-Jacket Woman, curvy in Spanx, phone to ear: 'buy, sell, buy, sell!'................. As an aside, and this is in no-way meant to sexually titillate, may I congratulate the person who invented the Spanx stuff for having the foresight to make them crotchless. This design feature must have drastically reduced needless NHS hip operations and eradicated countless woopsie accidents......

As our pals were arriving late on Saturday, I thought I'd be safe sticking with Hill-Billy woman attire, until the last moment when I would shower and change into faux City Slicker. The weather had finally turned tail on spring, retreating to winter again so, with a few extra layers including a home-knit that I should donate to the cats, I got out into my veg patch (poo patch more like.) I cleaned the chickens, I turned the compost and cleared out an old pond which had a fusty bog smell to it.......There was still tons of time.....

By now my work clothes were stained with substances that even I didn't recognise. My jeans could've walked to the wash basket all-by-themselves, my perfume was courtesy of Mother Nature .....on a really off day. AND THEN THEY ARRIVED!

C was a vision; coiffured hair, floaty top...MAKE-UP!....earings, and the sexiest pair of take me now black patent leather, five inch pumps, you-have-EVER-seen. J, all six-foot-two of him, sauntered over smelling great, designer jeans, cool boots, casual shirt and a smile.

I felt like a right minger (ming-ar British slang.) Husband had already sneaked off for a shower and looked cool. What must they have thought of me?! Feral, came to mind.

Immune to the alcohol we plied them with, and resisting the pair of rose-tinted specs I offered, they were soon freezing. Husband and I dressed them in matching fleeces and wellies.[Just to clarify, we are not one of those couples who dress in matching Christmas sweaters! We just happen to have been given a job lot of green fleeces, with J&B whisky logos on them]

It was cute, our pals were beginning to look more and more like us.......... consequently they left soon after breakfast! Maybe they thought it was all going to turn out a bit like the film Misery.

To be fair they had to go home to see their tiny, cute dog who'd just had an operation................. but secretly I'm sure they were also relieved to get back to civilization.....alive and well, dressed in their own clothes.

Hope they're brave and come back one day......